“We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Anais Nin
1903-1977
French-born, American, Writer

Contributors; Sharon Cooke, Karen Connon, Spencer St. Amand, Paula Malandruccolo

Stepping Back

When you view a piece of art, first, you can get close. 

Here you see the brush strokes, the texture, the technique. 

Then you step back and another view takes hold. Here you see the bigger picture. You take in the whole. There is far more to absorb and experience. Emotion, energy, the message.

Allowing for both views, gives you the opportunity of perspective..

In life we tend to get caught in the view that is very close. We hear words, we feel emotion and we react quickly.

We don’t step back and give space for more to be presented..

We need to give room to take in another perspective, which only comes when we allow ourselves a moment, sometimes several moments, to walk around it all, mull it over, talk it through. 

With space we can give ourselves a view that encompasses all parties.

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When my father divorced my mother and left his family, my mother disappeared. Either under the covers in her bed or out for hours visiting. I was left as her stand-in. I managed the house and kept up appearances. I resented her, as we had now lost two parents. I saw her as irresponsible. She had let us down as our mother. 

However, I grew up, matured, evolved and with the eyes of a woman, no longer a teenager, my view of my mother changed. Divorced myself and a single mother of two. I now knew my mother was depressed. 

It was the 70’s when she divorced. It brought shame and failure for not meeting the “to death do you part,” vow. My mom’s father, who referred to her as his favourite, turned  on her with disregard and disdain, that it was her fault, regardless that my father had had an affair, leaving to pursue a new relationship on the opposite side of the world.

No longer seen from the perspective of resentment, now I saw her through the lens of compassion.

Contributor; Sharon Cook

I Have Learned That My Path is Mine to Choose

For me, my decisions were based on my culture and how we would be viewed by others. We didn’t talk about situations or what was happening. We hid them because we didn’t want people to know.

I was brought up believing that my parents and oldest brother were the people I went to for advice. But looking back, it wasn’t really advice. It was, “Do this because…” I continued to let them make my decisions for me because I believed that was what I was supposed to do.

I now know, the way I made decisions in the past, wasn’t what was best for me.

I have lost family because I finally started taking care of myself and stopped being embarrassed about the things that happened, or continue to happen, in my life. That has been difficult, but it has also taught me something important.

Today, I make my own decisions. I listen to my friends and support groups, and I do my own research. I take the information I receive and then I make the decision that feels right for me.

I have learned that my path is mine to choose. My emotions matter. My voice matters. And I don’t allow other people to decide my path in life anymore.

Contributor; Paula Malandruccolo

What Else Might Be Possible?

When something doesn’t go as planned, I’ve learned I can either become stuck in the problem—or become curious about what might be possible.

As a single parent, I was working three part-time jobs. Sunday shifts at the dollar store could be long and boring, so instead of watching the clock, I decided to find ways to make the day more interesting.

When a customer asked for something we didn’t have, I challenged myself to come up with an alternative suggestion.

I got creative, thought outside the box, helped customers, and had fun conversations.

“We’re out of elastics. I wonder if some hair ties might do the job?”

Unbeknownst to me, the bookkeeper had been keeping a close eye on me. She was impressed with my work ethic and the way I interacted with customers. She offered me a full-time job with benefits at a manufacturing company—a job I kept for 25 years!

A new day doesn’t always change our circumstances.

Sometimes it simply gives us another chance to look at them with fresh eyes.

To ask a different question.

To try a different way.

To take one small step.

And perhaps discover a door we didn’t know was there.

What else might be possible?

Contributor; Karen Connon

Changing Your Life, Begins with Changing the Way You See It

Perspective is shaped by where we have been, what we have survived, and what we choose to do with those experiences.

For more than 20 years, my perspective was shaped by addiction, homelessness, and incarceration. For a long time, I saw the world through the lens of survival. Success wasn’t about building a future; it was about making it through another day.

Today, at 36 years old and more than three and a half years clean and sober, my perspective is very different.

I work full time, contribute to my community, and use my lived experience to help create programs for people facing barriers similar to those I once faced.

The experiences I used to consider the worst parts of my life have become some of my greatest tools for connecting with others.

Perspective has taught me not to judge people solely by where they are today. When we see someone struggling with addiction, experiencing homelessness, or entering and leaving the correctional system, it can be easy to see only their circumstances.

We don’t always see the experiences behind their decisions, the barriers in front of them, or the person they could become if given the right opportunity.

I know this because I was once the person many people would have written off.

My past hasn’t disappeared.

What has changed is what it means to me. I can look back with accountability while also recognizing that those experiences gave me an understanding that cannot be learned from a textbook.

To me, perspective means recognizing that a barrier can look like an ending from one side and a building block from the other.

Sometimes changing your life begins with changing the way you see it.

Contributor; Spencer St. Amand

Photo by; Sharon Cooke