Part One:
A month ago, I underwent a Total Right Knee Replacement. Not uncommon – it seems these days everyone you talk to has had something replaced or knows of someone who has. Not unique. I’m sure in some circles it would be considered trendy.
Now before I go further I’d like to address my Left Knee, as it is doing a tad better and therefore has to wait, and for now, be there to support the Right. Having two knees is like having two children. The one that is experiencing more challenges gets all the attention. As a parent of two children I always felt blessed that they were good enough to take turns going through their “growth moments” of being the nasty difficult one. One would be good while the other had me chanting through clenched teeth, “I love being a mother, I love being a mother, I love being a mother…”
For my Left Knee to remain strong and not act up because it feels ignored, I tell it how grateful I am and say thank you on a regular basis, as my Right Knee needs time to heal. When I massage or apply creams to my Right, I make sure to include my Left.
My Goodbye will appear to be about my Right Knee, but my Left Knee has shared in this journey with all of its experiences right from the beginning. So Left Knee; this is about you too.
The Mourning Doves coo softly outside my window from the telephone wires. Dove energy symbolizes grieving the past in order to move towards the future. To grieve comes from Latin gravare, to make heavy, weighty, burden. Grieving is a process you need to move through. Stay too long and gravity sets in. You become heavy, weighted down and burdened with it all. You therefore, acknowledge your loss, what it brought to your life, give thanks, let it go and then, off you go.
When I turned twelve, my knees began to scream. I know now they were attempting to forewarn me of the huge change and happenings that would take place in my life. I know now they were just trying to help, to alert me. That the decibel of their shriek was equivalent to the amount of growth I had chosen to undertake. But come on Life. Twelve?? I holler right back at you. I was twelve – pimples, crazy wavy, flipping up bangs that no amount of tape plastered across my forehead was ever going to straighten. This was pre blow-dryers and flat-irons. You think twelve is painful now – try 1968 without all the products and gizmo’s of today. But Life, none the less, felt it was time to begin my journey of evolution. Oh, and I must admit that on some higher level I had agreed to this reality – in a weak moment I’m sure.
I’m fifty-eight now and my knees are still with me, one original and one newly manufactured. As my surgeon announced upon reading my post surgery x-rays. “One is lovely and the other is crap.” Sorry about that Left Knee. Sometimes it takes a parent to fully appreciate their children. Please ignore her comment. She was simply excited at how amazing her work is. You’ll get your turn.
Our bodies hold our history – they tell our story. The creases around our face, the arch of our brow, the shape of our hands. How we smile, move a pen across a page, the tone in our voice, the lines on our palm, the gait in our walk. Our bodies chronicle our experiences. No editing, just the truth.
Our legs take us forward. Our knees are joints and they are all about flexibility. The ability to bend and flow with our lives, the adventures Life presents to us. When knees seize up and you’re doing the Tin Man without any oil – you’re in fear. Stubborn energy sets in and there is this adamant refusal to bend. Your life course has or is about to change dramatically and there is no way you are cooperating. There is a lack of trust and you plunge into your ego with “I don’t accept,” “I can make it work.” You disconnect from your higher self. Fear of loss, belief you are a failure, feelings of incompetence, take over. You dig in and choose to adamantly not give in.
There I was at twelve, with Life attempting to make me aware that something big was on the horizon – something I wouldn’t be crazy about experiencing, but experience I would. I felt very much alone. No one was there telling me about embracing change, explaining the concept of process and suggesting that going through it gracefully would allow it all to proceed much easier. I’m sure Life was there all along, but I was too busy refusing to accept, with the attitude, that I could make it work out the way I wanted it to work out.
I’ve learned a lot since 1968. I Trust Life more. Grace I understand now. Process, change and being flexible are not so scary anymore.
After all, it’s 2014. The energy moves at a pretty fast pace now. If you have issues with change – what can I say? You’re probably sitting in a heap, choking on the dust created by those that are zooming past you living in the now, while preparing for what is coming next.
My knees have taken me through a great deal. To them I owe an intense amount of thanks and gratitude. The pain of this journey has been relentless (Holy Crap – could you knock it off?! Are you trying to put me in an early grave?! Kind of pain) All of it chronicled within me, a history, a story.
As I embrace the new and allow for the healing that takes me forward, I bid my Right Knee (remember Left, I speak of you as well) a proper goodbye. May I share the story from the road these oh so stubborn knees have journeyed on and what they have brought to my evolution.
To be continued.
Photo: Agora known as “The Legs”, artist Magdelena Abakanowicz Vancouver B.C. 2012, taken by; Sharon Cooke