The Zonta Film Festival arrives annually mid November, a three day event of documentary films addressing women’s issues. Three days and six films later, I leave full; with emotion, information, and wondering.

The first year I came away more aware of realities that felt so removed from my own. The next year I left with the conviction that I would be a better me. Stronger, more confident; this is where I could begin to contribute. The following year I thought of the author of Lean In by, Sheryl Sandberg. She posed a question; “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” I knew I held myself back in fear of lack of support, approval, criticism, failure.

Each year I’ve taken what I’ve come away with and asked more of myself. The more I am, the more I contribute to the energy of change. My energy joins like energy and from there we can all be more.

This year I walked the sidewalk back to my car thinking. The subjects women face, which truly translates into — what we all face, are so huge, so deeply rooted in the past, so full of fear and terror, so challenged.

I let my not knowing what to do with all of this new knowledge go out into the ethers, where it would return with a direction to take.

The days that followed brought me a wave of bullying. A smorgasbord of challenges. I was lashed out at in an attempt to be blamed for something I didn’t do. Then I was intimidated to honour a request that hinted of repercussions if I didn’t. And right on the heels of that tasty morsel was an act of cruelty in order to control me and put me in my place or more accurately a place someone else felt I should be in.

I took a deep breath and looked in the directions of the heavens and screamed, “ENOUGH!!”

Feeling vulnerable, alone – asking the obvious, “Why me?” Or more to the point, “What the hell did I do to deserve this?”

Then it became clear – I needed to act. To stand up for myself. I took one event at a time. I went to others and told them what was taking place – this way I wasn’t alone. Even so I had to be the one to act.

Being blamed for something I didn’t do, so another could save face. I stood my ground, announced it was not acceptable and that I would not tolerate this kind of treatment. The intimidator, I chose not to respond to. Ignoring, not honouring the request would be my response. The attempt to be cruel and put me in my place, I sought council for and it was suggested that exercising any energy towards this person was a waste and it would be best to walk away and let it go.

This might suggest that the results were not all successful, but they were. I acted on my behalf, showing myself that I respected me and I supported me.

Right on the heels of my ‘bullying avalanche’ my friend Andy, who I hadn’t heard from in some time called to talk. She told me of a situation where she felt she had been treated badly and it was still bothering her.

I listened. Listening is good, but not always enough.

Still bothering her, meant she needed to acknowledge for herself that this kind of treatment was unacceptable. Otherwise she was fuelling an energy that gave the message she was okay with being treated badly. I advised Andy to tell someone who could be of assistance.

Her immediate response was, “But what if they do nothing?”

I replied that it didn’t matter. It wasn’t for her to be concerned about them doing nothing. It was about Andy doing something. She needed to do this for herself. She needed to show herself that she felt enough of herself to support herself — to stand up and speak out.

A couple of weeks later I called to see how she was. Andy took my suggestion and the outcome had been good. She was thankful that I had pushed her, as she didn’t feel she would have done anything otherwise.

Andy went on to tell me, that since then a friend had come to her and she had passed on the same advice.

Even when you feel, you don’t have a leg to stand on or the strength to raise your voice, your arms for that matter, towards victory, you can. We have to, on behalf of ourselves – on behalf of each other. On behalf of the bullied and the bully; for when anyone bullies it is because they are also hurting.

During the course of my bullying escapade, one person suggested I should be careful and pick my battles. But this should not be about going to battle. This is about initiating a discussion on behalf of yourself, on behalf of each other.

Standing up and speaking out one at a time. Not with an expectation of what someone will do for us, but with an intention of respect for ourselves that we are all worthy and deserving of being valued and treated well.

Photo from Leoma Lovegrove Studio Matlacha Island Florida by; Sharon Cooke
Zonta Film Festival www.zonta.com
Lean In by; Sheryl Sandberg