There is the conversation where you attempt to tell someone something or perhaps someone attempts to tell you something and you hear from another or yourself, “I know, I know.”
When this is uttered it more often than not translates into, “Leave me be.”
We learn how to say, “No,” long before we say, “Know.” Therefore, when we are not applying what we know and someone is pointing that out, we reply with, “I know, I know.” Which, again, is, “No” in an attempt to shut them down.
However, there is a phrase, “To know and not to use, is not to know.”
This is where my story begins.
Each week, I draw some cards, as a focus for the next seven days.
This weeks Permission card, read; “I give myself permission to be embarrassed.”
I don’t feel, I embarrass easily, as I generally come clean when I make an error. I may feel bad, perhaps foolish, but embarrassed. Hmmm, not sure?
One thing about the drawing of cards is that what you receive may take a bit for the light to come on. The other thing is that you will receive what you need and not necessarily what you want.
I had been in the doldrums for a while and as much as I felt I was trying to shake it off and shift, I was slipping right back into my slump.
Monday arrived and I drew the card “Permission to be Embarrassed.” Needless to say, not what I wanted. By Tuesday, I got it, and yes I allowed myself to be embarrassed.
I had allowed myself to fall prey to expectation.
I love the concept of expectancy, I share it with my clients all the time. Expect all to go well, but not to know how things will go well. Expect that All is inDivine Right Order, but not to know how the Divine Right Order will come about.
I KNOW THIS. I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW!
But what I knew, I wasn’t using.
I had fallen into the fateful trap of expecting certain people to come through and they weren’t.
I had been affirming that I would receive from ‘expected and unexpected’ sources and then contradicting myself by becoming upset that my situation was not improving. I kept returning to the decision that all was going to work out once my certain people came through.
Seriously Sharon, I mean really, what is going on here?
What was going on was Life or Source shows us always as to what is in the way of what you would like to attract or create from happening.
Often we have expectations of what we feel will make things right. When a certain parent loves us, when a certain person finally recognizes us, when a certain employer comes through with the perks or promotion they said would come our way, when a certain person pays us the money they owe, tells us they’ll be there, if you ever need a favour…When our entire focus and belief zero’s in on this, Life has to honour our choice and allow what we have decided is the answer to our situation.
Here we create limitation and dependency on someone or something being the answer, when if we step back, hand it over and allow not only the expected but also the unexpected to enter in, far more can take place.
Again, I know all this. Ridiculously embarrassing!
When you know something and then you get stuck like I have been, it’s time to truly sit up and take note.
Life was showing me that in spite of knowing and the growth I had accomplished, there was still another layer of expectancy to heal.
I was still creating situations where regardless of how much you gave or did, it wasn’t enough. No matter how much energy you invested, or how hard you worked, it was never quite right.
That damn onion analogy. You heal and then Life sends you an experience to tell you to heal more, grow more, develop your abilities, more.
I need a boost and I Google Esther Hicks Abraham and she reminds me.
“The existence of your desire will automatically produce stress within you. Unless you let go and move with your desire.”
I was attracting the stress, the doldrums, as I was not moving with my desire.
I had decided that what I wanted to attract needed to be from someone specific. I had shut Life out.
When you do this, the person or thing that may be part of the expected gives the appearance of not cooperating in order to steer you towards Life who holds the unexpected, which translates into the realm of possibilities.
I allowed myself to be embarrassed. I knew, but I wasn’t using what I knew.
My doldrums are lifting, I feel a breeze, I shall set my sails and plot my course. I shall once again align to the energy I wish to truly attract.
I do know and I will now use – what I know.
Thank you Life for sending me embarrassment.
Photos: Sharon Cooke