I have invited a friend for dinner and I am going to cook! Yes, plan a menu, pull out recipes, shop the ingredients and cook. For ages it’s been apps, salads and gelato. I’m back.
Sweet Potato Lasagna, salad (I’m even making the dressing) and this lovely vanilla ice cream dessert with a sorbet centre, butterscotch drizzle and raspberry garnish. Now lets not get crazy – I’m not making the ice cream or the sorbet — but I’m orchestrating the architecture of this yummy finale to my amazing entrée.
I adore Sweet Potato Lasagna. First time I made this; success. Second time; disaster. Ten years later, the pressure is on.
I’m ready. I bring out the mandolin slicer to of course slice the sweet potato’s — and yes, you may think you know where this is going and you are partially right — but it literally and metaphorically goes sooo much deeper.
I forgot the most important ingredient. I genuinely wanted to prepare this meal. Good friend, we’ll enjoy laughter and great conversation. But as I begin, I loose myself and tumble into the ego of self-doubt. What if this bombs? What if I don’t get everything done in time?
I must add. I had also committed to washing and ironing fifteen staff shirts for the store opening of my daughters partner. Juggling cooking and laundering.
And then it happens. Pain and a quick and fleeting scream. MY Thumb!! There it is, the amputated portion of my thumb on the counter. I grab it and fling it into the sink and down the drain it disappears as I’m running cold water on my thumb. Shit! Maybe I should have kept it. NO, there is no going to any hospital.
Main focus – no blood in the food. Yes, I achieve this. After all, I’m having a guest – no blood in the food, cannot happen.
I have Band-aides. Oh so not working. Blood pouring out and down my hand. I go on a search for gauze and tape. Yup, I don’t have any. Not sure whether to be impressed that I obviously do not have regular accidents or realizing that I am ill prepared. But right now, there is no time for being “judgey”. This is an emergency – focus!
Time to be resourceful. I am up for this. Makeup removal pads and packing tape. Yes, the maimed thumb is taken care of and the blood is secured.
Back to my menu and those blessed fifteen shirts.
Now as you have probably gathered, I am strong, I’m a friggin’ warrior! But, all of a sudden I’m feeling woozy.
I ask myself, “Are you going to faint?”
I answer myself, “No fucking way!!” (friggin’ just was not enough for this moment).
I’m alone. I can’t pass out. Who’s going to find me, who’s going to take care of me?”
“You have a meal to prepare and those fucking shirts! Get it together!”
I grab a cold pack from the freezer, slap it to the back of my neck, sit down and put my head between my legs. I throw in some light to my thumb and declare, I AM FINE!
I ask Life to stop the bleeding and pick up the pace on the healing – politely of course.
I rise and I carry on.
Shirts, I “cut “myself some slack and ironed ten, the other five would have to wait. Check.
Later that day, my right mid back was screaming in pain and the next morning I woke to my right shoulder in agony. Yes, it was my right thumb. Right side of the body. Masculine energy. In short, control, action.
Being who I am and working with the emotional/physical connection meant I had to sit and research what my body, my system, was attempting to inform me of.
My body’s message was that when I left the joy of my choice and started to fret about succeeding and pulling it off, brought my past to the surface.
Being “cut” to the quick. Criticized. You will get it wrong. You can’t do this. Not competent. You’ll get in your own way (or at least my thumb) and you’ll screw it up. You don’t have what it takes. You can’t live up to THEIR intended manifestations. You have to take care of it all, but you’ll get it wrong.
I chose to wake up.
I chose to return to the present.
I chose to retain MY intention.
I chose to enjoy what I had chosen to do. And, I channeled LOVE into those sweet potatoes!
Those blessed shirts that I had committed to. My ironing was superb. I’ve been ironing since I was twelve, back when you ironed hankies and pillow cases. Thank God that’s behind us.
As for my Sweet Potato Lasagna. Absolutely mind blowing amazing!!
And, Life helped me out. Remember, I had asked politely. The bleeding stopped and in two days no packing tape. Nothing. Healing in full swing.
I did go and purchase proper first aide paraphernalia. Not for a next time. Just because.
I made peace with the mandolin and have perfected where to place my hand, including my thumb.
Your past can be a mean bitch. Just when you are having a “Chef” moment, it rises up and pushes its way in front of the present.
Next time when I prep the meal, I’ll first prep my intention.
I’ll have fun and trust, I’ve got this and the only one I need to measure up to is me.
Damn, that lasagne was good.
No; I believe it was truly amazing.
And for those who know me and have dined with me. I did remember the dessert!
Actually, my guest was given the responsibility of reminding me (I have a history with desserts), she came through.
It was delightful.
Look at that thumb. I need a manicure. Check!
Photos by; Sharon Cooke, Pexels, Woman in moonlight, luizdas