You’re A Failure
You’ll never amount to anything
You’re dreams are too big – they’ll never happen
You talk too loud
You didn’t join in the conversation enough
You laugh too loud
You’re too quiet
You know, no one likes you
Why don’t you call your friends – they’re wondering where you are

You’re too positive.
Everyone needs a negative,
I am going to be yours.

And on and on
And over and over
It went
Again and again and again…

Before HIM there was another HIM.
Always there shaking HIS head in disappointment, disapproval.
Always with new rules, new instructions.
Always reminding me of my place. The, ‘less than place.’
Always there to point out my mistakes, what I’d missed.
Always not good enough.

Long after the HE was no longer there.
HE was still there.
In my head.
Wherever I went, whatever I did.

Every time I went out. The ride home, HE was there.

But, now, it was me.
Questioning.
Did I talk too much? Did I laugh too loud? Was I likeable? Did they like me?

It felt impossible.
I’d meet new people I liked.
I’d go out and enjoy myself. But by the time I returned home – those words, that voice, had wiped out any earlier joy.

It went on to show up in my children.
Cueing me on their expectations of  how I was to behave.

And then I began to over ride the damaging mantra of HIM and now THEM.
“Shoo, Be Gone.” Enough!

I replaced it with Gratitude.
I didn’t focus on shutting HIM up.
I opened up and acknowledged what I appreciated. What I was thankful for. Where I felt blessed.

I hung on to, “I had a good time. I enjoyed me and likewise others did too.”

In time he gave up, packed up and moved on.

Now all I hear is ME!

Thoughts that recognize ME, compliment ME, love ME.

I’ve had a great day
I’m wonderful
Every day, I achieve
I excel
I am brilliant
I create laughter
I am joy
I am loving and loveable
My dreams are big and they are possible!

This voice inside my head, I keep close.

SHE is going with ME, wherever WE go.

Photos by; Sharon Cooke, Anchorball Exhibit; Sculpture, Ken Kelleher
                                          2026, Royal Botanical Gardens, Burlington ON