Tangerine Dream

Tangerine Dream

“My car is Tangerine Dream. I like to drive fast. I’m ninety-two. I don’t moan, I do my exercises. No one sees me without my makeup. It’s the first thing I do every day. I am in my last days and my daughter Lyn is taking lessons. She doesn’t wear makeup. This is why she needs to learn how I like it when I can no longer do it for myself.” Kathleen was ninety-three when she passed. I met her in 1998, she was seventy. Our first conversation at the age of seventy was about releasing what was holding her back. Our last conversation at the age of ninety-two was about releasing, to prepare for going forward. When Kathleen took up the quest to wake up, many feel it is too late. Many decide that it is time to coast, to just let it all be. ‘Let sleeping dogs lie,’ has been the expression. Not Kathleen. She knew she had issues. She knew that on some level there were things that needed attention. She was scared, but she didn’t allow her fear to get the better of her. Kathleen’s background was not about looking into matters that made you sad or angry or confused. She was from the “stiff upper lip,” “no airing your dirty laundry,” “be thankful for what you have,” “what will people think?” generation. You didn’t delve, you didn’t upset, you didn’t dare speak out or up. You did keep quiet, you did keep up appearances, you did do what you were conditioned to believe, was the right thing. But in truth, this conditioning is never...
Exhaustion

Exhaustion

Exhaustion is not tired. Tired has passed. It was ignored, shrugged off. When tired you can rally. Have a shower. Rest your eyes – not sleeping, just resting. Drink water. Balancing exercises. Fresh air. Convincing yourself you can do this. It’s just one more shift, the weekend is coming, tomorrow you’re off. It’s just a casserole for the family dinner. It’s just a glue gun to add more sequence to a costume. It’s just one more… It’s just… Tired has passed. It was ignored, shrugged off. With, I’ll be okay, I’m fine, I can do this. Tired was the whisper, Exhaustion is the SCREAM. And when EXHAUSTION hits, There is nothing more to give. The rally does not work. Drained, weary, frazzled, burnt out, collapsed Your system, your body, says, “No more!” “You have abandoned me and now I shall abandon you.” You feel disconnected, sick, tears are on the brink of bursting through. You want to scream and yet there is no energy for this exertion. And then because you have stopped listening to you, your spirit, your brain, your body, someone appears and asks you to do something for them. Life; steps back and watches.  What will you do? Can  you say no? Can you finally, love yourself enough, to honour that you are depleted? You have nothing to give. Nothing for anyone – not even you. What do you have to risk? Will they be angry? Will you feel weak? Not enough? Not liked? A disappointment? A failure? Not loved? Not loved? Not loved? You cannot move. There is nothing. Over extended Overwhelmed Over tired  Overdue...
No Hiding, The Healing

No Hiding, The Healing

400 years ago a tea bowl was broken. A favourite piece of the Japanese shogun Ashikaga Yoshimasa. He sent it to China for repair and it returned held together by metal pins. Not pleased, he sent it to local craftsmen who chose to repair the piece with golden lacquer, enhancing the beauty of the tea bowl. In the 15th century, the Japanese art of Kintsugi was born. The concept of embracing our damage and not hiding our scars. The metaphor, that when we heal we become more beautiful, more resilient. When I sit with myself and the people I work with. I ask, what has this experience brought you, rather than what you may feel it took from you. Let yourself feel the breaking, the falling a part. Crumble in your tears and then dry your face. What have you been given that will take you forward, rather than hold you back. How does the breaking, the pain, present you with the opportunity to be more. To live more authentically. To come to know your truth. So when Life comes crashing down on us –  and it will. Stop, and rather than want to trash the pieces of yourself. Gather them up and put them back together with love and light and gold and be richer for it. No hiding – let the healing be seen. We’re all broken, that’s how the light gets in. Ernest Hemingway     Photos: Sculpture of Woman; “Expansion” by Paige Bradley                Stock photos; woman’s face, stone...
Talk to You. Because if You Aren’t, Who Is?

Talk to You. Because if You Aren’t, Who Is?

There was a time, talking to yourself was frowned upon. Meant you had probably gone “loopy loop.” Now, it’s called “self talk” and can be quite acceptable. I’m sure there are boundaries. Might not be cool to go to a restaurant. Have a table for two and order for someone who is not physically there and have a conversation with them. At this point you might want to reign it in. But seriously and more appropriately — it’s healthy. We need to talk to ourselves. Because if we aren’t, who is? The Ego! And our lovely egos are more often than not fuelled by fear and not speaking in our favour. It will not be the truth. When you are feeling hurt, wronged, confused, annihilated, cast out, bullied — you need to slow it down and have a conversation. I admit, there are times before I am in the right space to converse, I rant. I spew — chew nails and spit rust and just let all the anger and hurt out. And then I step back and I begin the conversation with ME, just ME. I have to be prepared to listen to Me. Because, She doesn’t always agree with Me.  I listen, because although She may have a different point of view, a slant on my perspective, She does love me and She does want what is best for me. I’ve heard her ask me often, is this the truth? And I have to fess up and answer, “No,” because the ego has taken over. There are times when my Me needs to hear a “Bravo,” “You...
How is Your Radiating Metre?

How is Your Radiating Metre?

Universal Law; What you radiate, you attract. What you give, you receive. In the course of your day; do you ever stop and give attention to what you are radiating? What have you been thinking? What have you been saying? How have you been behaving? Our feelings, thoughts, beliefs, words, attitudes, actions. All energy.  They do not remain within us. They radiate out into the ethers, the world, our world, our reality and then, as energy, the corresponding vibration returns to us. Your brain, does not stop and sift.  It does not pause and say to Life;  “Don’t pay attention to them, they’re just caught up in their past and the wounds of yesterday.” “Someone just hurt them; they’re just venting.” “They’ve been drinking, they don’t know what they’re saying.” “They’re frightened, this is just fear. Don’t give them any mind.” “This is just ego, they don’t really mean it.” Your brain in your head is not that smart. It does not know the difference between your fact and your fiction.  It hears your thoughts, feelings, words and to it – it is ALL truth. So out it goes, into the world and back it comes into your reality. And you go – “WHAT?”  “I don’t deserve this!” But, you chose it. Life does not randomly, shit on you. It’s far too busy for random happenings. You’re not the only “people” on the planet. So – just saying, you might want to add this into your daily regime. Right along side of teeth brushing, showers and vitamins. Check in with your radiating metre. What are you radiating?  How far...
Can We Talk

Can We Talk

Can we talk. Can we hear. Can you read a post on social media, hear a voice in conversation, that isn’t your view, your perspective, your take, your opinion, your belief, your thought… And be comfortable. Or Do you feel the need to correct, attack, judge, talk over, dismiss, defend. If so why? Why are you afraid, lacking in confidence, feeling shame, arrogant, aggressive, self-righteous? Before you talk, think as to why you feel the way you feel. Ask the question. Why?  I envision an art gallery and as I make my way around, viewing each piece I listen to how others are interpreting each creation. What they feel, how it makes them think, what they see. Similar to taking in a film or a discussion at a book club. Some views are the same, some are very different.  Some may make you simply go “Hmmm.” While others might make you shake your head, might make your whole body twitch or cause you to collapse into laughter, or just gratitude. All these interpretations, with an intention of inviting discussion. Inviting – not dismissing, not to rile you into aggression. Is it about winning? And if you “feel” you’ve won, what is the prize? Security, comfort, superiority, power. Will it last or will it be fleeting and leave you scrolling for another post you can jump at or another news report where you can rant and shake a fist at your screen over. Pumping yourself up. Only to deflate again and again, always searching for the next place to pounce. Fear The nagging uncertainty of what is right, what is...